Looking for a Window

There is an old saying: “When God closes a door, he opens a window”.  It gets passed around quite a lot, most often in situations when someone needs encouragement, but the would-be encourager has nothing to say that specifically fits the situation.  One of many cliches, that while it may be true (at least in some instances), it has lost its impact in a sea of many other well-worn fragments extracted from the wisdom of other’s experiences.

I spend a generous chunk of my mental energy in reflection, pondering the should-haves or could-have-beens, because “If you do not learn from history, you are doomed to repeat it.”  Another cliche, I suppose, but a person who aspires to leave this world better than he came into it, would do well to identify his missteps before running headlong into the future.  You know, “fools rush in where angels fear to tread”.  I really need to stop with the cliches.

I know I’m not the only person who has figuratively stood on the outside of a shut door, carefully pondering the next step.  It wouldn’t even be the first time. It’s the uncomfortable moment of uncertainty about what lies ahead that brings me to this moment of reflection.  No, this is not near the first time I’ve been in this place, and considering my past experiences has left me wondering if I will ever have a smooth transition to my next destination.

Previous transitions were never easy.  I’ve always been dragged kicking and screaming to the outside of the door, left to lament in the dust of what normal used to be.  Maybe it has been stubbornness, or an inability to clearly discern when and how to move on that has made this necessary.  But each time, I’ve found myself here, in the midst of the unknown, looking for a window.

Truth be told, I’m a little jealous.  I can’t even count the number of stories I’ve read lately from people in transition in their lives, and yet they share a common thread that my story does not.  They have a clear picture of where they are going, or at least, where they want to go.  They have a destination in mind, a plan, some purpose to achieve, and it is that purpose that lead them out of a closing door, and through another.

I can say that in this time I have found a world of encouragement and insight in several sources.  I’ve discovered several authors whose authenticity in telling their stories has helped to broaden my perspective on life, both through their books, and their blogs.  I’ve also connected with a number of people on twitter who are building a community through their genuine care and concern for others.  I’m not terribly outgoing on twitter; I’m naturally introverted in the real world as well.  Although I’m not saying much, it feels good to be a part of the conversation that is going on, even if I’m just eavesdropping.

So, I’m not without hope.  And this uncertain place I find myself in is not uncharted territory.  This place is well worn from the steps of many that have walked this way, all of them looking for a window.