Part 1: My Confession
(Read my introduction to this post here)
I haven’t set foot in a church service anywhere since mid-August of last year, though not for the reasons you might expect.
Up until that time, my wife and I had served for the prior two years in a church plant in our home town. For most of that time, we served in the worship ministry and led a bible study for the young adults, but in January of last year, we were asked to assume leadership of the entire youth ministry (in addition to our other responsibilities). I was also a member of the church board of directors.
As leaders of the youth ministry, we helped put together a ministry team. That developed into a separate evangelistic ministry team, with my brother and his wife as co-leaders. That team was invited to minister at other churches and events across the state, and even in other states. Many of the young adults that we had in our bible studies became part of that team, and over the past two years, we had developed close relationships with them; they became like family to us.
When we took a trip to a beach resort on the Gulf Coast that summer to celebrate my wife and daughter’s birthday, we invited several of our young adult friends to come along. We rented a condo unit for a week in July, went down, and had a great time.
Shortly after our return, a story about our trip began floating around the gossip mill. According to this story, my wife and I had purchased volumes of alcohol to stock our condo, and had spent the week having drunken parties. (This is entirely NOT TRUE.) This story got back to our pastor, who immediately began making phone calls – to our directors, to other church leaders, to my parents – all under those false pretenses.
On a Saturday morning, I received a call from the pastor asking if he could come by my house and talk. When he arrived, he alluded that he had heard that some of us had consumed alcohol on the trip and asked us about it (he did not repeat the story I related above to us). We told him the truth.
When we arrived at our condo unit, the previous occupants had left a few beers in the refrigerator, and a bottle of wine on the counter. One night that week, I drank one of those beers. Another day that week, my wife bought a frozen drink from a beach side stand. We left the remaining beverages in the unit when we departed at the end of the week. There were no parties, drunken, or otherwise. Of the friends that accompanied us on our trip, only one was under 21; they didn’t need us to buy them anything had they wanted it.
Even after our explanation, the pastor still asked us to step down from our leadership positions in the church.
To digress for a moment: I do not endorse the use of alcohol as a recreational drug. The Bible condemns drunkenness, and I don’t argue that. There is nothing wrong, however, with enjoying beverages containing alcohol in moderation, which I have done on occasion.
My wife and I would later unravel the further details of the story that was passed around initially.
We never went back to the church. Our ministry team had one commitment that we had scheduled months before, and that event was the last appearance I made in a church in any capacity since.
Though seven months have passed, even the thought of stepping into a church service, any church service, creates a flood of conflicting emotions that I am not sure how to deal with.
[Tomorrow - Part 2: What's the Big Deal?]
Oh wow dude…that’s some heavy condemnation, even if it was served up in a vaguely civil manner.
Praying…waiting for the next part…
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I have to agree with David. That’s a pretty tough condemnation based on what could at best be substantiated as “stories”. It’s unfortunate that at most churches, what I would call in a traditional company “HR functions”, such as following up on some sort of rumor, are performed by folks that just don’t have the training. And in the end, poor decisions are made based on rumor.
I’m sorry that you’ve been burned so badly. Waiting on the next part as well…
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Wow man that’s rough! I’m keen to hear the rest of your story – I too have had to deal with the ‘rumor mill’ of the church but made it through.
However I too havent been to a church service with an regularity since I stepped down from my music director role after Easter in 2009 and (i think) can relate and share with the feelings you have too. Happy to chat more if you like…
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I HATE it when people who know you, choose to believe the rumour mill instead of your word. I was removed from ministry because of the rumour mill. It bites.
I’m sorry to hear what happened to you; like David & Jeremy, I’m looking forward to Part 2.
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This post was mentioned on Twitter by dubdynomite: New Blog Post – Part 1: My Confession http://goo.gl/fb/n8tn...
Hi! I’ve been a blog lurker and non-commenter, but this post really did resonate with me. Sadly, like a few others who have commented, I was removed from a long term youth ministry position due to rumors as well (along with some other church politics). I can appreciate where you are at with not having been to church for a while. I definitely went through a long healing process and have just very recently started attending a new church. And I still struggle with mixed emotions every Sunday that I go.
One thing that I try to keep in mind is that the people I was hurt by are imperfect people who run A church. I was not burned by THE church, but people in A church. It doesn’t change who God is. Like I said, I TRY to keep that in mind, but it is a daily struggle of emotions, especially forgiveness.
Anyway, will be watching for part two as well.
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My wife and I have been very active for the last four years in our small church, but last year a change in leadership has made church difficult at best. We have distanced our selves from being very active. I feel the closer you get to see whats goes on behind the scenes the uglier it can be.
Rumors and Gossip are dangerous. I try very hard to keep my thoughts that could be construed as such, quiet and only convey them to my wife in confidence. I don’t want to tear the church a part any more than it already is.
I will be praying for you, your wife and the youth ministry that I’m sure is missing your god given talents.
The Church is still made up of people from a broken world, but God is still God.
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[...] (Read part 1 here) [...]
Dude, I’m sorry to read this. The truth will prevail and God will bring justice and restitution for real. Stuff like this sucks big time.
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I’m just catching up on blog reading tonight. Wow. I totally understand. We had an experience that resulted in a similar outcome and we avoided church for almost 3 years. I’m so glad you posted this.
Nicole Wick´s last blog ..Santa and Sex
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