Subtle Shades of Vengeance

It’s a fairly common thought that seeking revenge is the wrong thing to do.

But we all do it, probably without realizing it.

It happens without thinking sometimes. Someone wrongs us, especially with their words, and we lash back immediately to let them know just how wrong they were. We speak in anger, hurt and frustration and we make matters worse before they can get better. This might illicit a half-hearted apology, but more often it will engage a war of words and actions in a cycle of subtle vengeance.

It happens the most, though, when we add conditions to our forgiveness. When you’ve been deeply hurt, but you’re trying to do the right thing – trying to be the better person – it makes it easier to say you forgive someone if you attach a ‘but’ clause at the end.

I forgive them, but see if they ever get my help again.

I forgive them, but they’ve got a lot of making up to do.

I forgive them, but I won’t reconcile with them.

I forgive them, but I subtlety hold their wrongs over their head.

We want to execute punishment; we want to make people pay for what they’ve done to us. It makes us feel better to satisfy our sense of justice. But, handing out justice will never free us from the pain of being wronged, because we have to nurture that pain for the motivation to hand down the sentence.

Conditional forgiveness is not real forgiveness; it is simply a justification for your vengeance.

Real forgiveness will set your heart free.

Real forgiveness is not easy. It’s a process. Sometimes it’s a daily decision.

If we act in vengeance, we are making ourselves to be God, and ultimately getting in the way of His process.