Living grace is giving grace. Especially in close relationships.

We are not always perfect in love. We do not always consider the feelings or well-being of others in our decisions. We do not always realize how our words and actions affect others. We are all going to make mistakes. We are not always going to love perfectly.

It’s sometimes easier for me to forgive the bigger things, while the small things are what get to me the most. The times when harsh words are spoken. When promises are not kept. When expectations aren’t met.

Things like this make me want to strike back somehow. And I prefer a passive-aggressive approach to making my disappointment known.

But refusing to give grace in these situations is saying that I will not ever need the same kind of grace. I am putting myself above reproach; I am saying that I am better than the person who has let me down in some way. I am letting my pride get the best of me.

Love is not proud. Love is patient, and love suffers long. Real love is painful, it makes you vulnerable; open to being hurt by those you love. It is loving though the pain, the disappointments and the failures. It is giving grace when none is deserved.

And I cannot expect to get the grace that I need, if I am not willing to give it.

We exist in a fallen condition. And sometimes, despite our best efforts, we fail. We have faults that we struggle to overcome that sometimes get the better of us. The pressures of life push us pass the breaking point.

Grace. We all need it. It is the highest form of clemency; that God would receive us to himself in spite of our shortcomings. That he would grant us another chance when we’ve failed miserably. That He would love us, in spite of what he knows about us, both present and future.

We celebrate the idea of the second chance, the ability to rise up and dust ourselves off after a fall. But, I think sometimes we sell grace short. Grace is more than just a do-over.

Grace is alternately defined as “the divine assistance and power given to man.” The same power that wipes the slate clean is the power that can enable you to live above your faults and failures. It is the hope that we do not have to be subject to the influence of our weaknesses.

Grace holds together the brokenness. Grace strengthens the weakness. Grace fills the emptiness. It enables us to live with ability that is not ours.

Sometimes, we have to exist with the brokenness; to live in spite of the weakness. But, we do not have to be defined by it.

His grace is sufficient.

It’s a fairly common thought that seeking revenge is the wrong thing to do.

But we all do it, probably without realizing it.

It happens without thinking sometimes. Someone wrongs us, especially with their words, and we lash back immediately to let them know just how wrong they were. We speak in anger, hurt and frustration and we make matters worse before they can get better. This might illicit a half-hearted apology, but more often it will engage a war of words and actions in a cycle of subtle vengeance.

It happens the most, though, when we add conditions to our forgiveness. When you’ve been deeply hurt, but you’re trying to do the right thing – trying to be the better person – it makes it easier to say you forgive someone if you attach a ‘but’ clause at the end.

I forgive them, but see if they ever get my help again.

I forgive them, but they’ve got a lot of making up to do.

I forgive them, but I won’t reconcile with them.

I forgive them, but I subtlety hold their wrongs over their head.

We want to execute punishment; we want to make people pay for what they’ve done to us. It makes us feel better to satisfy our sense of justice. But, handing out justice will never free us from the pain of being wronged, because we have to nurture that pain for the motivation to hand down the sentence.

Conditional forgiveness is not real forgiveness; it is simply a justification for your vengeance.

Real forgiveness will set your heart free.

Real forgiveness is not easy. It’s a process. Sometimes it’s a daily decision.

If we act in vengeance, we are making ourselves to be God, and ultimately getting in the way of His process.